Seriously.
James Hackett, a 26=year-old Massachusetts man, was arrested for assault and battery after throwing a container of McDonald’s French Fries at his 11-year-old step-daughter during a family squabble. Police described the fries as “a dangerous weapon,” citing the fact that they were “hot and oily” (the girl came through the ordeal unharmed).
Hackett has been released on bail, and his next court appearance has been scheduled for August 10.
The french fries join other noteable deadly weapons, such as a Dumpster, a frozen armadillo, and a toy monkey.
© 2012 by Bill Bickel unless otherwise noted.
I expect the stepdaughter is mortified. Apparently she was trying to break up a fight between him and her mom.
If you ask me, the only crime there is wasting perfectly good french fries.
Ridiculous charges. It does make me wonder what must go on at home if this is the kind of behavior he displays in public.
“Dangerous” weapon, not “deadly”. In Massachusetts, “assault with a dangerous weapon” (a felony, whereas simple assault is a misdemeanor) appears to be interpreted as “assault with an object”. Cases that I know of include a book and a shod foot (I guess a bare foot wouldn’t have qualified). DAs like to file for the most serious charge they can, presumably to leave them room to bargain down to more minor charges.
“Hot”, I’ll give you, depending on how fresh they are, but “oily”? I have never yet had fries from McDonalds which I would describe as “oily”. “Greasy”, maybe, but there’s never enough liquid to describe them as “oily”.
Hopefully he shouted “you want fries with that” before he fled.
In San Francisco, they might have arrested the mom for parental neglect for taking her daughter to McDonalds.