"Humor - COURTROOM Q&A"
|Posted on June 9th, 2015 by Admin istrator|
Lawyers’ questions and witnesses’ responses, as recorded by court stenographers
Q: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
A: "I only have one, you know."
Q: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
Q: "What is your date of birth?"
A: "July 15th."
Q: "What year?"
A: "Every year."
Q: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
A: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
Q: "Can you identify the rifle?"
A: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
Q: "And what did the writing say?"
Q: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
A: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
Q: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
A: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Q: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
A: "Er...his face."
Q: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Q: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
A: "I forget."
Q: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
Q: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
A: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Q: "How long has he lived with you?"
A: "Forty-five years."
Q: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
A: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Q: "And why did that upset you?"
A: "My name is Susan."
Q: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
A: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."
Q: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
A: "After the accident?"
Q: "Before the accident."
A: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."
Q: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
Q: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
A: "Yes, sir."
Q: "What did she say?"
A: "'What disco am I at?'"
Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Q: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
Q: "What happened then?"
A: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Q: "Did he kill you?"
Q: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
A: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
Q: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Q: "So you were gone until you returned?"
Q: "Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?"
Q: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Q: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
Q: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or a female?"
Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
Q: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
A: "That's me."
Q: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
Q: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
Q: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
A: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Q: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Q: "What were you doing at that time?"
Q: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
A: "Four times."
Q: "She had three children, right?"
Q: "How many were boys?"
Q: "Were there girls?"
Q: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"
Q: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Q: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
A: "Not yet."
Q: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
A: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
Q: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"
Q: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
A: "I refuse to answer that question.
Q: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
A: "I refuse to answer that question.
Q: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Q: "What is your marital status?"
Q: "Are you married?"
A: "No, I'm divorced."
Q: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
A: "A lot of things I didn't know about."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
Q: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
A: "Yes sir."
Q: "Before or after he died?"
Q: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."
Q: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
Q: "How old are you?"
Q: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
A: "She is my daughter."
Q: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
Q: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"
Q: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
Q: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
A: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."
Q: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
A: "I could see his head."
Q: "And where was his head?"
A: "Just above his shoulders."
Q: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
A: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."
Q: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
A: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
Q: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
A: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."
|0 Response(s) to : "Humor - COURTROOM Q&A"|
Motions are one of the most important aspects of a criminal case before getting to trial. Kirk Tarman, criminal defense attorney in San Bernardino County CA, discusses suppression motions based upon the 4th Amendment, dismissal motions, discovery motions, and more... for a glimpse into the preparation of a criminal case. ….
Andrew Dosa, a civil and criminal defense attorney located in Alameda County CA, when interviewed by Crime and Justice Online, explains everything you need to know about restitution in criminal cases. What is restitution? Is it to punish the guilty or help the victim? Is it always paid? What happens if it is not paid? Are all criminal charges associated with restitution? Can you use restitution to bargain away a jail sentence? Is it applied more in civil or criminal cases? These questions and more are answered by our expert on restitution, Andrew Dosa….
Here is an entertaining and informative interview with Wally Farrell, a premier criminal defense attorney in Riverside County, now deceased, who discussed the Death Penalty in California with Crime, Justice & America Talk Show Host Ray Hrdlicka. Is it really a deterrent? Why represent defendants charged with this type of crime? What is “special circumstances” in the crime? Life without parole vs. the Death Penalty. Why does this type of case last so long? Is it a choice between Justice or a Political and Financial cost? Does it demean life? Or does it demean the death of victims?